I couldn't stop taking in laxatives. I used to take 2 pills at first but now I just doubled the dose because I think it's not working. Fuck. I feel so worthless and like a failure. I've been eating a lot, I don't know if it can be called binging though, around 1300 calories today. I gained 2 pounds overnight. Fuck the scales. Fuck my fats. Fuck.
Yesterday I gone out with a friend and he told me I look like I weigh around 90 pounds. That's just insane! I wish I was 90 pounds though. And I told him I used to weigh like 150 and he was like, no way. He couldn't even believe I weigh 125 pounds because he said I look just fine and there's no way I'm that heavy but it's just the fucking ugly truth. I'm fat.
It's like whatever I eat will stay in my tummy and it hurts to feel it. It hurts me mentally though to feel food in my tummy but I just can't stop eating. I had potato casserole and I know, I know it's so good. I know. And I ate like 1 cup and a little bit more and it's packed with a lot of calories. Then I had a pretty big lunch and I hate myself for that.
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