Changed Domain c:

Guys, I changed my domain from thesebeautifulbones.blogspot.com to fractured-dandelion.blogspot.com.

But still if you want to contact me via email, I have the same address, thinfragile@gmail.com. Always open to talk to anyone about anything.

x

Good Day Today!

This morning I woke up too early, but I managed to sleep a little bit more and woke up at 9.20ish. I wanted to have a little breakfast and I ended up choosing Activia mixed berry and actually felt full the whole day! I got on the scales, and it didn't change since yesterday.

Then I decided I would go on the treadmill to power walk since I have no energy to run. I get dizzy and have the lightheaded and cold feeling all the time. Last night I even snuggled up like a polar bear with thick pajamas so I can sleep well. I've been waking up at 2am these few days cos I got super cold at night :( I burned around 200 calories, still didn't lose weight.

In the afternoon, after I threw my lunch away, I was feeling so good so I got a haircut :) Cos my hair was so long and messy and yeah. I haven't been to the hair salon in so long cause of my anxiety! Finally today I went to the mall and got a haircut there.

I went walking a lot though! I was looking for a coffee maker but decided to ask Mom's permission to buy it tonight, or tomorrow. I'm so scared that tomorrow I will gain weight cos it's gonna be my Dad's birthday celebration :( And I also went to the supermarket. I got myself a can of beer, a litre of skimmed milk (80 calories per 250ml serving!) and a good hairspray, also chocolate coffee packets for 100 calories per serving. I got 5 packets. I'm sure I will barely drink it since the calories is so high.

Then I got home, and I drank my coffee, worth 25 calories, cos I had to drive my brother to his band practice. And I got home againnnn, and finally lost 1 pound! Wee! :D

So yep. That's why I'm happy.

Over My BED!

Here's a quick post before I drive off to my friend's farewell dinner, which means I'll have to eat something else beside apples. But anyway! I'm so happy!

I'M OVER MY BINGE EATING DISORDER!

This is crazy! I've never thought I'd done so good these 3.5 days. And I'm about to go to this Italian restaurant. I hope she has salad though. I've eaten less than I usually ate and worked out on Monday and Tuesday. I will probably swim or run or take a walk tomorrow after I get my energy drinks.

My only struggle right now is that, should I take lax or not?

Sick

I'm feeling so sick today. I slept for 11 hours straight from 4am to 3pm. Skipped breakfast though but ate lunch like a pig.
The last night I didn't eat anything after dinner. Which is good.
And I saw some pictures of myself when I was skinnier. And got really depressed and went crying for hours :(
I can't take it anymore.

Sometimes I feel like jumping off a bridge and get hit by a train or car is the best thing to do. No one here to support me. My mom keeps on pressuring me about food.
Although she gives me chocolates then yell at me the next day after I ate them. All. Of course.
She has no idea about eating disorders. All she knows is that I do fad diets and that's it.

I just got back from 2 vacations. The first one was to the US, and I lost quite a lot from that and I was happy. I went there alone so no one to tell me to eat. So I starved. I did really well.
My second vacation was to Australia with my whole family. It was, awful.
I are every single meal. Every. Single. Shit. A lot of calories. Plus the snacks.
I gained 4 pounds in 10 days.

What I need to do now is lose at least 4 pounds next week. And keep going with losing 2-3 pounds the next 8 weeks before my meeting with my friend from America.

Support buddies? Email at thinfragile@gmail.com x

We can do this.

Tumblr Deleted! ;o

Due to the content of my Tumblr, it was deleted. I hate it that I didn't get to reply to my messages. Urgh! It's thesickhedgehog-personalprogress.tumblr.com. Gone now :l

Anyway, I'm struggling with mia and gained 10 pounds to 130 now.

If you're interested in talking to me, just email me at thinfragile@gmail.com

Yes, I changed my email. Not using the old one anymore.

Hope to hear from y'all soon!

I'm Back

Hi, just haven't been here in so long. Struggling with depression and various eating disorder. So glad I'm back on track now though.

I'm barely replying comments though so if you need to talk just hit me up through email, thesickhedgehog@gmail.com.

Compulsive Eating Disorder

This is crazy. I've only left this blog for couple weeks, or months, but I've gained so much. Like right now I probably weigh nearly 130. I don't dare to get on the scales lately. I've been dealing with compulsive eating disorder, and yes, I'm fucking losing Ana. I miss her.

Shitty days have passed. Tomorrow I'm going to do a 5 and a half days fast at least. I promised I'm going to Skype my crush next weekend. I have to be skinny by then. Plus my whole family will be gone so I can starve and shit, and reach 110 when they got home. I have to lose this excess 20 pounds in 2 weeks. Not sure if I can do that though but fuck it, whatever it takes.

I used to have the flat stomach but now I have thunder thighs, arms, stomach, face. Everything! I swear I'm losing at least 10 pounds next week. I don't get depressed, I'm not happy, I'm just basically numb.

I've been working out but I don't want to make muscle mass. Both fat and muscles are just nightmares. And I realized I can't rant all the time and eat at the same time too. This is hell. Seriously.

Completed 100+ Hours Water Fasting

Haven't been around in quite a little while because been busy with school and Tumblr, and also enjoyed companies on Twitter. I also have a journal. It's basically about my eating disorder journey. I don't know if I should recover now since I have the chance to do so, while I'm breaking my fast.

So I've been fasting for 4 and a half days now. It feels really good to have control over food. But now I'm feeling so weak in my bed. I can barely do things quickly. I have to walk slowly, I can barely jump and run, I have minor blackouts throughout the day. I feel lightheaded and cold all the time. But that's self-control, right?

Today I'm going to break my fast and I've got my meal plan recorded for the whole week already. Currently I hope I'll weigh 113 but if not then 114 should be fine, I guess :L

Lowest Weight Ever!

Geez! I'm so excited! Well right now I'm posting this just to keep myself busy and not caring about the hunger pangs. But yeah, I'm very happy right now. This morning I weighed myself and I'm down by 2 pounds in 4 days, by restricting my intake to 500 calories a day.

It was meant to be a smart restriction, not deprivation. So I eat like everything I like, usually fruits and breads though, in moderation. My plan works really well. And I don't feel sick at all, just lightheaded sometime. Overall I'm fine.

So my current weight is 119 and I've lost the 2 pounds I gained in the holiday, and another 2 pounds towards my UGW, 110 pounds. I don't know if I'd ever hit that but we can always try, right?

Christmas Weight Gain

I'm back from holiday. I got home yesterday afternoon and had a binge session for the "closing" of my holiday craze. I had like a lot of calories everyday, nearly 1200 each day and didn't really work out at all.

I noticed I got fatter in my relatives' mirrors. But when I got home I barely notice anything but my bulging lower tummy because of my period. I thought it should be fine by me since I can do nothing about it. But yeah, manipulative mirrors depressed me.

To be honest, I don't really know who I am anymore. Everybody says I look sick or too skinny. Like a kid with malnutrition. I felt good in a way but I don't feel like I look sick though.

I had diarrhea in the second or third day of my vacation and it wasn't good at all. I abused the laxatives, tripled the dose in a day. I felt super thin but then my family told me to eat more and shoved food down my throat and I couldn't do nothing.

I thought I would have gained so much weight but no, I only gained 2 pounds yesterday and then I went running and power walking on the treadmill for 50 minutes and today, after I woke up and ate watermelons, I weigh 1 pound less. I had to stop running because my back ankle skin was chafed, both of them.

Anyway. I know I've lost myself in the shadows of anorexia and bulimia tendencies. But fuck it. I'm still fat. I'm 122.7 pounds now. Before the holiday I was 121.6. Gotta eat clean, maximum of 800 calories a day. No cheat day. Self-control. Remember that.