This is crazy. I've only left this blog for couple weeks, or months, but I've gained so much. Like right now I probably weigh nearly 130. I don't dare to get on the scales lately. I've been dealing with compulsive eating disorder, and yes, I'm fucking losing Ana. I miss her.
Shitty days have passed. Tomorrow I'm going to do a 5 and a half days fast at least. I promised I'm going to Skype my crush next weekend. I have to be skinny by then. Plus my whole family will be gone so I can starve and shit, and reach 110 when they got home. I have to lose this excess 20 pounds in 2 weeks. Not sure if I can do that though but fuck it, whatever it takes.
I used to have the flat stomach but now I have thunder thighs, arms, stomach, face. Everything! I swear I'm losing at least 10 pounds next week. I don't get depressed, I'm not happy, I'm just basically numb.
I've been working out but I don't want to make muscle mass. Both fat and muscles are just nightmares. And I realized I can't rant all the time and eat at the same time too. This is hell. Seriously.
